Ewok Month Part 4: Battle For Endor

First of all, who the hell is that guy on the poster? There's no one like that in the movie! WTF?!?

The “Battle For Endor” is the second Ewok film, and it is the one I am less familiar with. Even as a kid I had issues with “Battle For Endor”. It’s biggest crime is that it kills off Mace and his parents in the opening scenes rendering the deeds of the first film completely worthless. Within days of being reunited, the Towani’s are killed off by pirates.

Now, the plot of “Battle For Endor” doesn’t make much sense to me unless I fill in the blanks with a bunch of head-canon. So that’s what I’m going to do. Here is the plot as I see it.

Many generations ago a band of Sanyassan Marauders crash landed on Endor. They couldn’t fix their ship because their crystalline oscillator is broken and they start out their search for a new one. But then the first generation of Sanyassans eventually die off and anyone who could repair the oscillator is dead anyway and the only thing remaining is a sketch of what the oscillator looks like and a legend that this “power” is what can get the Sanyassans back to the stars.

A little while later, a couple of spacers named Noa & Salak also crash land on the planet and also cannot repair their crystalline oscillator. Coincidence? Not sure. Maybe the Empire has a presence above the planet in the years before Death Star II and are destroying the oscillators of ships that get too close to their secret base. Maybe?

Sometime later, a Dathomirian Nightsister named Charal is also marooned on the planet and joins up with the Sanyassans. She can turn into a raven.

And finally, the Towanis crash, but this time their oscillator is intact. So Charal sees the crashed ship in raven form and a few days later brings the Sanyassans to get the oscillator. This is where the movie starts.

So the Sanyassans are attacking the Ewoks and the Towanis with these really old blasters that are held together by cloth at this point. They surround Jeremitt who is putting the last finishing touches on his star cruiser when Terek, the leader of the Sanyassans, shows up. Terek obviously has no idea how the oscillator works but only knows that it is “The Power” that will help him escape the planet. Maybe Terek was only a kid when the original Sanyassan pirates crashed or maybe he was born on Endor, I don’t know, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

Now the Sanyassans are riding on these Blurrg creatures that have since appeared in “Clone Wars”, “Rebels”, and the upcoming “Mandalorian” TV series. They also give out this aura of 90s Fantasy television something out of Hercules or Xena or even Power Rangers.

The Sanyassans kill all the Towanis except for Cindel and capture all the Ewoks too. Cindel is especially important to them because they think she knows how the crystalline oscillator works. But Cindel and Wicket are small enough to slip out of the prison wagon and they get away.

Wicket’s mouth actually moves when he talks in this movie which is an improvement. He’s also straight up talking Basic to Cindel before meeting up with Leia. This seems to be a contradiction but the official explanation is Cindel and her family are actually speaking a different language from Basic, and that it was translated into (English) for the benefit of the viewing audience. Maybe… however, this theory starts breaks down when you consider Wicket speaks to Noa in the same language and Cindel communicates to the pirates and the Night Sister as well. You would think that when so many people utilize a common tongue it must be Basic.

So Cindel and Wicket end up in this cave where Wicket builds a glider from a bunch of bones and skins and stuff. But the cave is really a Candor Dragon den. So Wicket and Cindel escape on a glider, but crash land near the home of Noa Briqualon. But they don’t meet Noa right away they meet Teek, who is a member of the Teek species. And the Teek species are fast. Really fast. Like the whole species must know how to use “Force Speed” because they are like The Flash level fast.

Now before Noa comes in I want to pause and explain why Noa is in this movie. This is because George Lucas is sitting at home one day watching the movie “Heidi”. Maybe it’s the Shirley Temple version… probably is. But Lucas thinks to himself, “Hey. Heidi has these lovely blonde Shirley Temple style curls and so does Aubree Miller who plays Cindel. So I’m going to call up those guys working on the second Ewok film, have them throw out their current script and they should do 'Heidi' instead."

So that’s why Noa is there. He’s the grandfather character from “Heidi”. Really grumpy in the first few minutes but then really nice later on. And he’s living with this Teek thing.

Next, Cindel sings this song her mother used to sing to her, “My Star”, which is only the second song with English lyrics in the Star Wars universe (the first being “A Day to Celebrate" performed by Carrie Fisher in the Star Wars Christmas Special.) And the lyrics to “My Star” are not dissimilar to “Moonbright” an Alderannian lullabies featured in the book “Bloodlines”. Nevermind that. The point is that Cindel sings this song and then the Dathomir Witch must be spying on her because later that night Cindel hears this song being sung from the forest and she thinks it is her mother. But it’s really the witch who kidnaps Cindel and takes her back to the Sanyassan fortress.

So Noa and Wicket and Teek sneak into the castle to try and rescue her and there are these guards playing cards (Maybe Pazaak or Sabacc?). But Teek plants a card in one of their sleeves and when it looks like one was cheating they just fucking blast each other to hell. So, with those guards just smouldering, they save Cindel and all the Ewoks from the prison. And Charal is a prisoner now too, because apparently she can’t use her Force powers without her ring and Wicket tries to let her out but Cindel says, “NO! She’s fucking evil and shit!”

So then all the Ewoks escape the castle, but the Sanyassans follow. And there is this battle similar to the “Battle of Endor” with just slightly different tricks and traps. And it all ends with this duel: Noa’s staff vs. Terek’s metal sword which is like the lightsaber battle of this movie. And the battle ends in this Duex Machina moment when Wicket uses a slingshot to hit Charal’s ring which is around Terek’s neck and he suddenly turns to stone. And now Charal is apparently stuck in bird form forever (unless she can somehow chip away at Stone Tarak and regain her ring.)

The end of the film is all “Wizard of Oz” as Cindel and Noa says goodbye and take off in their “Hot Air Balloon” (Starcrusier) out of Oz (Endor) and back to Kansas (Some civilized human planet). And Teek is left behind with the Ewoks but never really pops up again in Star Wars lore. But in my head canon he causes all this mischief around Bright Tree Village and eventually the elders banish him ala Jar Jar Binks. Seems to make sense. You can make anything make sense in your head. If you try…

Ewok Month Part 1: Ewoks in Comics

Ewok Month Part 2: The Top 15 Ewoks

Ewok Month Part 3: Caravan of Courage

Ewok Month Part 4: Battle for Endor

Ewok Month Part 5: Aliens of Endor