}); The Road to Episode Infinity

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Top Ten Planets


Star Wars, more than any other Sci-Fi franchise, is all about the planets. Lucas likes to keep things simple by giving each planet its own unique terrain. Desert Planet, Ice Planet, Sky Planet, etc. That's why these world's are so iconic. So let's get into the countdown, shall we?

#10 Kamino (Ocean Planet)
Kamino is a stormy, watery world located beyond the outer rim. Kamino is what NASA would call an exoplanet! Its sun burned out long ago and now it is just floating through space on its own. It is constantly stormy on Kamino.  The Kaminoans who live there are cloners and they are some of the weirder aliens of the saga. The greatest Kamino moment, of course, is the battle between Obi-Wan & Jango out in the rain.



 #9 Geonosis (Rock Planet)
Geonosis is a rock planet and very Mars-like. The termite-alien-locals are called Geonosians and it is here that we will witness the first battle of "The Clone Wars". The battle in the arena was one of the high points of the prequels for me. For the first time we got to see dozens of Jedi in a battle at the same time- Lightsabers blazing!  You won’t find anything else like it in the entire Star Wars Saga (so far). The only thing that put a sour taste in my mouth about Geonosis was Threepoio's stupid puns (I'm Quite Beside Myself).





#8 Bespin (Sky Planet)
Bespin is the planet that is home to Cloud City. We all remember it from “Empire” but it can also be seen briefly in the Special Edition of “Return of the Jedi”. Bespin is a gas giant with floating cities, which makes it quite different than all other Star Wars planets. The residents of the cities mine for tibana gas, which apparently is essential for ships and blasters to function. Have no fear though, the planet is on the outer-rim and is too small for the Empire to notice…. right?


#7 Naboo (Gungan Planet)
The coolest thing about Naboo is it’s watery core, which is not entirely unscientific. Many of Jupiter’s moons are thought to have sub-terrain oceans that may contain life. The swampy parts of Naboo are also kind of cool. Giant statues falling apart like a civilization that is crumbling. The city of Theed, where the queen rules, is the most boring part of the planet. Naboo is also the first planet to betray the Star Wars concept of “One Planet, One Terrain”. Lucas should know that all planets should comprise of a single terrain! Naboo plays a major role in the prequels and is briefly glimpsed in the 2004 update to Return of the Jedi where Jar Jar can be heard saying “Weesa Free!” (Boo!)


#6 (Forest Moon)
Endor is not a planet, but a moon. Scenes were filmed in the redwoods of California & it is the only Star Wars planet that I can think of in which its name is taken directly the Bible (Joshua 17:11). For me, the best Endor scene was the speeder-bike chase. It was before the little teddy-bears showed up.








#5 Mustafar (Lava Planet)
Mustafar is Lucas’ vision of hell. It is a violent place (like Jupiter’s moon, Io). It was originally to be the final meeting ground between Luke & Vader in “Return of the Jedi” until Lucas thought, “Hey, why not just bring back the Death Star”. It seems to me that I knew about Mustafar and the duel between Anakin & Obi-Wan years before the prequels came out, so many of us had been waiting a long time for the lava planet and that final duel.







#4 Dagobah (Swamp Planet)
Dagobah is Yoda’s swampy home and can be seen in “Empire”, “Jedi” and a deleted scene from “Sith”. There are no battles on Dagobah, but there is something magical about the swamp planet. As I said in previous blogs, Dagobah was built as a giant elevated stage and Mark Hamill was the only human on set. I think it is Willaims’ music that really gives this planet life.



#3  Coruscant (City Planet)
The idea of the capital of the galaxy being a giant city was rooted deep within the first drafts of episodes IV & V, but Coruscant would first appear in Timothy Zahn’s 1991 book, "Heir to the Empire". It was first seen on screen in the 1997 release of Return of the Jedi, and played a major role in the prequel films.  The population is a trillion people and is the capital of the galaxy. If you control Coruscant, you control the galaxy. I was pleased with the representation of Coruscant in the prequels and I think it is likely to reappear in Episode VII!




#2 Hoth (Snow Planet)
You voted for it and here it is! Hoth is another iconic planet of the Star Wars universe.  There isn’t much native life, but the Tauntauns and Wampas are a few. The Battle of Hoth is probably my favorite of Star Wars battles. Many of us have an intimate relationship with the conflict, having failed to defend the Echo Base time and time again across several gaming consoles (Empire Strikes back for Nintendo & Super Nintendo, Shadows of the Empire for N64, Lego Star Wars for Wii, etc.). The Empire always wins! Hoth was filmed in Norway.




#1 Tatooine (Desert Planet)
Tatooine is the most frequently visited location in the Star Wars saga and most developed. It is featured in 5 of 6 films so the culture and species of Tatooine are fully fleshed out in the films. From the Tusken Raiders, to the Hutts, Tatooine is a rough terrain, a hive of scum and villainy. Tatooine is also a real place. It was filmed in Tunisia, a north African country, near a town called Tataouine. Sandstorms were a real phenomenon that the crew had to deal with whilst filming the three films. As a world traveler and a life-long Star Wars fan, I would love to visit it someday. Too bad there aren’t really two suns.



What I left out and why: Utapau is a dry world made of sinkholes which is seen in Episode III, but we didn’t get to see much of it. Neither did we get to explore the Jungles of Yavin 4 in "A New Hope" (although a jungle planet would be a great addition to future Star Wars films). I decided that Kashyyyk was too similar to Endor and that Alderaan was too blown-up. 
Thanks for reading!



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Top 10 Star Wars Ships




Top 12 Astromechs

Top 15 Ewoks





Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Ewoks Invade!




Ewoks: Love ‘em or hate ‘em… never mind, hate em. Why hate the cute and cuddly creatures from Endor’s forest moon? Simple. Ewoks should have been Wookiees. By all rights the final battle in Return of the Jedi should have been the Battle of Kashyyyk. We could have seen Wookiees tearing imperial troops apart… limb by limb. Instead what we got was fracking Ewoks. 

Ewoks: A Caravan of Courage
Ewoks were actually my first introduction the Star Wars galaxy. I guess I was probably five or six when I first saw the film “Caravan of Courage” which came out in 1984. I have seen the film many times since and I really love it! It’s a kids movie- to be sure- but it is a real study into the culture of the furry little creatures. The film is a grand journey, like the Hobbit. It has some sad Ewok deaths and is quite thrilling at times.
Ewoks: Battle for Endor

A sequel to the film came out in 1984 called “The Battle for Endor”, but it ceased to impress me, even as a small child. This time Endor was under attack by some alien-beasts and some sort of witch (I’d say Force-User, but she could turn into a raven, so….) Also there was a little annoying creature that could run really fast (like the Jedi in Phantom Menace). The movie isn't great, but ultimately the witch would provide the basis for the Witches of Dathomir, who many of you know from the EU. 

The two movies aren’t rated very high by audiences, but if you have young children they are worth the watch. Warwick Davis reprised his role of Wicked W. Warwick. Also, Lucas came up with the story for both films so I guess for all you Canon-Nazis, these are just as important as any Star Wars film. (Rolling Eyes).
Ewoks Cartoon
        In only two years since “Return of the Jedi”,  Star Wars fans (the ones who cared, anyway) had been subjected to two Ewok films. Yet the fury tirade was far from over. Later in 1985 a cartoon series called “Star Wars: Ewoks” premiered on ABC and ran for about two years. I can remember watching re-runs very early in the mornings before elementary school. It was far worse than the preceding movies and the Ewoks spoke in English. This actually makes them more annoying than when they are Yub-Nub-ing.  “Quite Bad” would be a good phrase to in describing the series.


Yet things got worse still.

Ewoks on Ice
In late 1986 the Ice Capades capitalized on the TV series by creating a segment called “The Ewoks and the Magic Sunberries”. That’s right folks, “Ewoks on Ice”.  Does this all still fit in with your “Canon”?

Here is a poem that was printed on the program of the show:

On the mystic moon of Endor,
Where enchanted forests grow,
There dwells a furry fellowship,
The Ewoks, don't you know!
The Ewoks live in giant trees,
They're busy all the day,
But around the bonfire every night,
They sing and dance and play!
The story teller is Logray,
An Ewok old and wise,
He now begins a classic tale
Of Life Beyond our skies.
You'll need a course in "Ewokese",
To help you understand
The glories and the triumphs
Of this hardy, happy clan!
Sit back, relax, enjoy yourself,
Bravo! You're on your way!
Presto! Chango! "Be-che-wa-wa",
You're an Ewok for the day!

*Just saying: Wookiees could have been so much cooler.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Top 5 Lightsaber Duels


Top 5 Star Wars Duels

#5: Vader Vs. Kenobi (Death Star I)
“You can’t win Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.” ~Obi-Wan Kenobi


I have always thought that the best lightsaber duels were not just a duel of swords, but also a duel of words. As words go- this duel is deadly. Obi-Wan’s character is driven by the fact that he failed Anakin. He cannot even bring himself to speak his apprentices name during this encounter. The physical blows are minimal, but that’s only because of the history between these characters. Anakin must be regretting his actions on Mustafar at this point, but still a little pissed about it.
            Obi-Wan sacrifices himself because he has accepted the fact that Vader is lost to him. He knows that his battle is over and that his purpose will live on- through Luke. Obi-Wan has total faith in the Son of Skywalker- even where Yoda does not.


#4: Maul vs. Kenobi & Qui-Gon (Naboo)
“We’ll handle this” ~Qui Gon

 

            Many fans consider this scene the best part of Phantom Menace. Probably because it was the only scene where no one says anything. Let’s face it, the prequels were about Eye-Candy and anytime Lucas’ horrible dialogue distracted us from the Eye-Candy- well that’s when fans felt embarrassed that they had dressed up and waited in line for hours.
            Maul is played by Ray Parks who is a professional stunt man and had some very-cool moments. The major problem with this duel is that it didn’t really drive the plot forward. The result forces Obi-Wan to adopt Anakin as his apprentice, but I call BS! It should have been Obi-Wan’s idea to adopt Anakin in the first place (Qui-Gon’s character was never added until the final draft of the script). I don’t like the idea that Obi-Wan was guilted into adopting Anakin. It makes Anakin’s fall so much less tragic.

#3 Luke vs. Vader (Death Star II)
“I will not fight you father,” ~Luke


            This is my personal favorite duel. The dialogue from all three characters is timeless and the music is epic. The stakes are probably the highest of the entire saga. And we get some closure at the end.
            It doesn’t take much for the audience to grasp the conflict in Vader. It’s subtle, but you can hear it in his pauses- the places where he just breaths. Luke’s calm words are quick to drive him to anger.
            Like the other duels of the Original Star Wars Trilogy – the lightsabers don’t win the battle. The battle is about more than Eye-Candy. It’s about internal conflicts. In this case Vader sacrifices himself for Luke (just as Obi-Wan did in the original film).


#2 Obi-Wan vs. Anakin (Mustafar)
“It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground.” ~Obi-Wan Kenobi


            You voted for it, here it is. The dialogue is littered with clichés and Obi-Wan actually mentions democracy at one point but, the stakes are high and the conclusion is satisfying. Not to mention more Eye-Candy.
We waited about 30 years for this battle and it wasn’t a total disappointment. Anakin turns out to be an evil little spoiled bitch, which doesn’t really conflict with how Vader acts in the original three films. I guess Lucas might have been on to something when casting Hayden after all. Though how Padme ever fell for this kid, I will never know.

#1 Luke Vs. Vader (Bespin)
“No… I am your Father,” ~Vader


            This will always be the most memorable of the lightsaber battles. It’s the perfect end to "Empire", which is ultimately a tragic movie. The rebels lose the battle of Hoth, Han is frozen in carbonite, and Luke loses his hand. Also, the most evil man in the galaxy is his daddy.
            This duel has some great action scenes combined with great dialogue. It really lays precedence for every single lightsaber duel that will follow- in film, novel, or comic. It all started with this one. And the ending shocked audiences enough that even if you have never seen a Star Wars movie, you know the famous -albeit misquoted- line “Luke… I am your Father”

What didn’t make the list:

Yoda’s duels didn’t make the list because he should have ripped his enemies into shreds. Imagine the satisfaction of Yoda beheading Dooku.


Other duels that were not central to the plot did not make the list. What the hell was the point of Grevious anyway?