The Road to Episode Infinity: A New Hope as a Samurai Film

When Lucas penned Star Wars he drew his inspirations from a hundred places. The opening crawl is pure Space Opera and lifted straight out of “Flash Gordon”. Yet let's not forget other genres that influenced the film. Tatooine is reminiscent of Sergio Leone’s “Once Upon a Time in the West”. The Death Star run is based on dog fights from World War I & World War II films. Luke Skywalker & Obi-Wan Kenobi are clones of King Arthur and Merlin. Lucas was influenced in a big way by Kurosawa films, specifically “The Hidden Fortress”.

For this “May the Fourth” holiday celebration I wanted to reimagine Star Wars in a different setting. Something other than a Space Opera. Directors do this with Shakespeare plays all the time, so why not Star Wars? Let’s take Star Wars back to one of the genres that it sprung from. Let’s adapt “A New Hope” into a Samurai film.

Shogun Wars Episode IV: Dark Island in the Sky

Setting: Shogunate Japan

(It is a period of civil war. Princess Lana’s palanquin is being escorted to the village of her birth by a company of soldiers loyal to her cause. When in the road they meet two bedraggled peasants. One is tall and skinny Sitri Piyo and the other is stout little Otu Diyoto who are trying to sell cabbage)

Sitri - Please, Sir. Cabbage for your troops. Only 2 yen for a whole pack!

Commander - We don’t need your rotting cabbage!

(Suddenly a messenger comes over the hilltop)

Messenger- Imperial troops are on their way! Only a few rods behind us!

(The princess emerges from her palanquin and approaches the peasants. She turns to the silent round one, places a scroll under the cabbage and whispers something into his ear)

Princess Lana- Hurry!

(Otu lumbers into the bushes with his cart and Sitri follows in a panic)

Sitri - Wait! Out! Where are you going!

(The princesses' company is surrounded by white riders and one dark one. He is Lord Vadir, a fallen Samurai)

Scene Two

Seetri -Just where do you think you are going? Wandering off into the farmlands. We are supposed to be going to Kyoto city to sell our goods!

Otu - We have to get to Yamato.

Seetri- Yamato? What is in Yamato? Just what did that princess tells you and what does that scroll say? You know I can’t read!

Otu- We have to get to Yamato.

Seetri - Fine. You go to Yamato! But I’m going to Kyoto City! Good riddance to you, you short little pile of dung!

(They split up, but a couple scenes later they are reunited after they have both been kidnapped by bandits and sold into slavery.)

Scene Five

Otu - We still have to get to Yamato

Seetri- Yamato? Are you crazy! The Skywalako family is our rightful owners now. If you try to flee, they’ll cut our ears off!

(Cut to Hiro Skywalako, a turnip farmer)

Hiro – Unlce Owin. I was thinking if those new slaves work out I want to submit my application to the academy this year.

Uncle Owin- You mean before the next turnip harvest!?! The harvest is when I need you the most.

Can’t you submit your application next year?

Hiro- But it’s a whole ‘nother year!

Uncle Owin- But it’s only one more season!

Scene Six

(Hiro Skywalako gazes off into the sunset as he dreams of future days. Suddenly there is a movement in the bushes.)

Hiro -Hey! Who’s there?

(Sitri Piyo lumbers out of the bushes)

Sitri- I told him not to go, sir. But he kept babbling on about his mission. Please don’t cut any of my appendages off.

(Hiro looks to the tracks in the mud. Otu has fled.)

Scene Seven- In which Hiro and Sitri ride ponies, catch up to Otu, run into bandits and are saved by a very old hermit, who turns out to be an old samurai.

Scene Eight- In which the old samurai turns out to be Old Bendu Kenodobi who fought with Hiro’s father many years ago and presents to Hiro his father’s sword.

Scene Nine- In which the bandit camp has been destroyed by Imperial soldiers because the soldiers were looking for the cabbage peddlers and Hiro realizes that if they tracked the peddlers this far they would have learned who they were sold to and that would lead them “HOME!”

Scene Fourteen- (Within an old tavern in the crime-ridden village of Moshisee, Falcon Rider Hun Solo and his partner a strongman named Bok Chewie are seated at a table with Hiro and Bendu.)

Bendu- Is she a fast bird?

Hun- You’ve never heard of the Minamoto Falcon?

Bendu- Should I have?

Hun- I’ve outrun imperial dragons and I’m not talking about the yearlings, I’m talking about big black wyrms. She’s fast enough for you old man. What’s the cargo?

Bendu- Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two slaves, and no questions asked.

Hun- Well that’s the trick isn’t it? And it’s going to cost you something extra. One Hundred Yuan. All in advance.

Hiro- One hundred? I could almost buy my own Flying Bison for that!

Hun- And who’s going to fly it, kid. You?

Hiro- You bet I could. I’m not such a bad pilot myself. We don’t have to sit here and listen to this…

Scene Twenty-Three

(The six characters are sitting comfy aboard the massive Minamoto Falcoln)

Hun - We’re in the right place, except for no Yamoto.

Hiro- What do you mean? Where is it?

Bendu- Whiped out. By the Empire!

Hun- That’s impossible. It would take an entire swarm of dragons to wipe out a village the size of Yamoto.

Hiro- Look. A hatchling!

Bendu- That hatchling is quite far from its nest.

Hun- There aren’t any dragon caves around here. Where did it come from?

Hiro- Look. It’s headed for that dark cloud.

Hun- That’s no cloud!

(As they lift into the stratosphere the “dark cloud” comes into view. It is a floating island swarming with dragons of every color, shape, and size. They have found the island of Laputa Disastrous”

Scene Twenty-Nine- In which our heroes realize the Princess is being held captive inside of a volcano on the floating island.

Scene Thirty-Six- In which Bendu Kenodobi is struck down by his old apprentice Lord Vadir.

Scene Thirty-Nine- In which the rescued princess and band of misfits join up with the Ashikaga Alliance and reveal their plan to attack Laputa Disastrous.

Scene Forty

(The Ashikaga Alliance are riding flying bison toward the dark island in the sky)

Red Leader - Accelerate to attack speed. This is it, boys!

(The bison dip down toward the Island to intercept the entire legion of dragons including Lord Vadir on his Red Nāga)

Red Leader- Porkon! You've picked one up... watch it!

Porkon- I can't see it! Where is he?!

Red Leader- Right behind you!

Porkon - He's on me tight, I can't shake him... I can't shake him!

(Suddenly Porkon’s Bison explodes into a fireball as Lord Vadir’s dragon engulfs the hefty Porkon)

Vadir (with fire in his eyes) - The leader is mine, boys!

(Vadir’s dragon closes in on Hiro’s bison. Hiro’s bison dodges left, dodges right)

Vadir- I have you now!

(And just when all hope seems lost)

Hun- Yeeeeeeehoooooo!

(The Minamoto Falcoln drops down from the clouds above and starts dropping stones onto Lord Vadir and his dragon riders)

Vadir- WHAT!?!

Hun- You’re all clear kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home.

(Hiro’s bison drops it’s payload of explosives into the volcano of Laputa Disastrous. There are a few internal rumbles before lava starts to spew from every corner of the island and the island breaks into pieces, tumbling toward the ground)

Ghost of Bendu- The “Life-Force” will be with you… always.

(Cut to Throne Room Scene!)

Seriously though, who wouldn’t pay to watch that movie? Maybe it got a little “Airbender-ish” toward the end, but still totally amazing!

Tomorrow for “Cinco de Mayo” we take a look at “The Empire Strikes Back” reimagined as a Steampunk Western.

See you then and "May the Fourth Be With You!"

May the 4th Specials

The Road to Episode Infinity

Sunday, May 3, 2015

A New Hope as a Samurai Film

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