The Road to Episode Infinity: May the Fourth: A Trilogy Re-Written

Hello Fanboys, AKA people who are geeky enough to read my humble yet strong views on everything Star Wars. Happy May the Fourth (be with you). As some of you know, today was the day I watched "Revenge of the Sith" for the second time. I had not re-watched it since first seeing it opening night in May of 2005 and today I remembered why.

Though I remember the film as being action-packed, I was surprised to find that Episode III is actually quite boring. It is stuffed front-to-back with endless scenes of badly-written exposition- endless dialogue that explains why each character makes the decisions they make. It turns out that Anakin's fall to the dark side was nothing more than a series of soliloquies about how mad he was at the Obi-Wan and the rest of the Jedi for not making him a master.

The plot is also full of holes. When Anakin first sees Padme he gives her a giant hug, but fails to notice that she's nine-months pregnant. She actually has to tell him. And apparently she has not had an ultrasound because she doesn't know that she is having twins and apparently Anakin cannot feel the babies through the force. It struck me that Lucas probably didn't really know what was going to happen in this film. He introduced the characters in Phantom. Anakin & Padme fell in love in Clones. And then... Oh, crap... I guess a lot has to happen in this one movie. "What the hell am I going to do!"

I always have thought that this trilogy doesn't work, because there is no breathing room. Anakin's fall is too quick. The Jedi are extinguished in a 20-second montage. Whatever happened to the part where Anakin is suppose to help the Emperor hunt down all the Jedi? It's not there! So it got me thinking... What if someone else were in charge of writing the prequels. Could someone else make films that actually make a lick of sense? Could a fan (any fan) with a keyboard create a better synopsis for these films?

And so ladies and gentlemen (probably just gentlemen), on this May the 4th I have attempted to rewrite the Star Wars Prequel trilogy. I typed up the three episodes fairly quickly, but I think I have something that makes more sense than Lucas' story. I have a rough draft of all three movies and will release one each day for the next three days starting right now...

STAR WARS EPISODE I - THE SAGA BEGINS

(This movie focusses on Anakin & Padme meeting and falling in love. I skipped the whole part about Darth Vader being a 9-year-old and stuff.)

Coruscant – Anakin & Obi-Wan are on an assignment. They are tracking down a separatist leader and rogue Jedi known as Count Dooku. Dooku is not a Sith, just a Jedi who believes in the separatist cause. When they finally corner Dooku to get answers he is assassinated by a toxic dart and the assassin gets away with a rocket pack (can you guess who it was?)

Ashared Hett from Republic Comics

Later the Jedi council are concerned that the planet Hutt controlled- Tatooine (Anakin’s homeworld) is the next in line to separate from the republic. Anakin and Obi-Wan and Jedi Ashared Hett are dispatched there to try and incite a rebellion and take control back from the Hutts. Ashared Hett’s father is the leader of a Tusken camp and they are able to convince his father to help fight the Hutts, but Anakin is discouraged that the Tuskens have slaves. Obi-wan tells him that the Jedi must use the Tuskens for greater good and ignore the slavery until the separatist threat is extinguished, but Anakin falls in love with a slave-girl named Padme.

The Jedi and the Tuskens lead a successful raid against a Hutt clan (The battle of Tatooine). During the battle Jango Fett manages to capture Obi-wan and takes him to Jabba. Jango exchanges Obi-Wan for his kidnapped son, Boba. It is Jabba’s plan to publicly execute, Obi-Wan for war crimes to make an example out of the Jedi.

Meanwhile Anakin, Ashared, & Ashared’s father are discussing how to attack Jabba’s palace when Padme’s younger brother is caught stealing food. The Tuskens are going to chop his hand off when Padme grabs a blaster and shoots down two Tuskens. Ashared's father says that Padme must be executed and orders Ashared to do it, but Anakin frees her in the middle of the night and they escape.

Meanwhile Obi-wan hatches a plan to get word to the Jedi Council that he is going to be executed. He manages to help an R2 unit escape servitude by deactivating it’s restraining bolt. R2-D2 escapes the palace with Obi-Wan’s message.

Meanwhile, back at Corusant, the Republic is on the brink of war. Chancellor Palpatine has come to Yoda with news that Republic has a secret weapon. Yoda and Palpatine travel to Kamino, where the clones are being created. Yoda is troubled, but Palpatine assures him that the Clones are to be used if it comes to war.

Meanwhile Obi-Wan’s execution has come. He has no idea if R2 has got the message to the Jedi Council, but at the last moment the Jedi arrive to save the day. There is a big battle and much rejoicing.

Meanwhile Padme has convinced Anakin that they need to go back to the camp to rescue her brother and her family, who will surely be punished. They do so, but in the process, Anakin kills many Tuskens, including Ashared’s father. There is a lightsaber duel between Ashared & Anakin, which results in Ashared’s death. Anakin & Padme debate what to do about the captured Tuskens. The slaves convince Anakin that the Tuskens must be executed, including the woman and children and to Padme’s disappointment, Anakin executes them. Anakin & Padme are left with a terrible secret and agree never to reveal it.

Back on Coruscant more systems have pulled away from the Republic and Chancellor Palpatine decides that the Clone Army is needed. Yoda seems worried.

Cut to Credits

Tomorrow - Anakin's fall to the dark side in

STAR WARS EPISODE II: THE CLONE WARS

May the 4th Specials

The Road to Episode Infinity

Saturday, May 4, 2013

May the Fourth: A Trilogy Re-Written

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