Happy Revenge of the Sixth!
This is my final installment of my version of the Star Wars prequels. I have re-invisioned them for many obvious reasons, but also because I felt that Episode III felt a little rushed. I thought the Jedi died out too quickly (and lamely). We didn't see enough of Anakin hunting them down.
Episode III – Rise of the Sith
(In which Anakin helps hunt
down the Jedi Knights)
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| Darth Vader before his injuries |
WAR! It is the final battle between the Jedi and the
Republic (the end of the second “Clone War”).
The opening scene isn’t so much different than the current “Revenge of
the Sith” scene, except for the fact that Obi-Wan and Anakin are already
fighting on different sides. Anakin has Kenobi in his scopes and fires two
laser blasts across his bow. Kenobi releases several mines, which detonate
right in front of Anakin. Star Destroyers are blasting down the Jedi warships
right and left. Yoda, in the command center, can already predict the outcome of
this battle. “Lost, we have. To the escape pods, we must go”.
As the Jedi
prepare to jettison down to the jungle-planet below, Anakin finally catches
Obi-Wan and delivers a painful blow to his starship. “Goodbye, Master,” says
Anakin- but he can already see that Obi-Wan is falling down towards the planet
and will probably survive. Anakin reports his progress to Palpatine who
instructs him to head down to the planet and hunt down the remaining Jedi.
Meanwhile Ashared Hett is visiting Pamde Amidala, his former slave. Padme gave
birth months ago and has been taking care of Leia, but she is worried that Anakin might come for Luke. Padme tells Ashared to take her son to
Tatooine where Anakin cannot find him. Ashared says he will find a home for the
child but asks if she will keep the girl. Padme tells him that, for now, Leia
will stay with her.
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| The Planet Dathomir from the Expanded Universe |
Meanwhile Anakin and his forces have landed on the Jungles
of… oh hell let’s say it is Dathomir. Anakin hunts down a few of the Jedi and
slaughters them without mercy. He is already becoming a cold-blooded killer
(not a whiney brat killer). Meanwhile Obi-Wan, Yoda, and several other Jedi
have regrouped. They have found hired a smuggler, Raan Calirission, to take
them off-planet in his new Ship, The Millennium Falcon. He assures them that
she can break through the blockades. Anakin arrives just after take-off and the
Jedi escape.
Anakin heads back to Coruscant to confront Padme. He demands to
know the location of his son. Padme doesn’t tell him, but he can read her
thoughts. Ashared Hett took his son to Tatooine.
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| Palpatine Clones from the comic "Dark Empire" |
The Jedi have learned that
Palpatine has cloned himself and that copies of himself are growing on the
planet Mustafar. They decide that they will need to form two groups. One group
will try and assassinate Palpatine, and the other to destroy the clones. It is
decided that Yoda will lead the strike against Palpatine and that Obi-Wan will
lead the assault on Mustafar.
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| Ashared Hett |
Meanwhile Ashared has wandered onto a moisture
farm during his travels. He gives the baby to the young couple and tells them
to watch over the child for a few days, but that someone would be along soon. Anakin
finds Ashared and there is a duel. He all-but-destroys Aharred, but Padme has
followed Anakin. She throws herself in front of her former master and begs
Anakin not to kill him.
Anakin- “You would give your life for a man who enslaved you?”
Padme- “I would give my life for a friend”
Anakin- “So be it”. Anakin kills them both with one thrust.
On Coruscant the Jedi are able infiltrate the Grand Palace (but not
without losses). Yoda and Palpatine have a battle (though neither have
lightsabers so they use their force powers similar to Gandalf and Saruman in Fellowship). Yoda
loses the battle, but escapes with his life. Palpatine has been injured in the
attack. He contacts Anakin and tells him to get to Mustafar as soon as
possible.
At the cloning facility, Obi-Wan and his Jedi army are facing the new-born Palpatine clones. Many Jedi fall, but they are winning. Then Anakin shows up. The two sides continue to duel until only Anakin and Obi-Wan
remains. They have their duel, similar to the one we know, but less stuff floating around on top of lava. The film finishes in a
similar fashion to “Revenge of the Sith”. Obi-Wan slices up Anakin and he is
overtaken by flowing lava. Palpatine retrieves Anakin’s burnt body and encases
him in the Vader Suit.
Obi-Wan escapes and briefly meets up with Yoda on the
planet of Dagobah. Yoda instructs Obi-wan to watch over Luke and that he will
be watching over Leia with The Force. He believes that one day the twins will
grow up to become powerful Jedi and will undo what their father has done.
The
final scene shows Vader in his new armor walking across a Star Destroyer deck.
The officers look up and seem a bit nervous.
“Where to Lord Vader?” one asks.
“Second Star to the Right,” says Vader, “And Straight on 'Til Morning”.
(Alright nix the last bit)
George Lucas was sick of not making money off of other people parodying his movies. His solution? Parody his own movies. Thus, Star Wars: Detours was born.
Now we have to remember that Lucas has no real comedic sense, so he couldn't be expected to write funny things himself. The television show includes Seth McFarlane as the voice of Palpatine and Seth Green as the voice of Kenobi. They are also involved in the production of the show.
Some of the original Star Wars cast is also back for more. Voice actors include Anthony Daniels as C-3PO, Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks, and Billy Dee Williams as Lando. Other voice actors include Felicia Day & Weird Al Yankovic.
Now, the problem with people making fun of themselves is that people don't always get what is funny about themselves. An officially produced Star Wars parody can only go so far. Also a show for children can only be so funny. You can watch the trailer for yourself, but it really makes me cringe in horror.
